I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.
My personality, as people have told me in the past was bubbly, outgoing, happy and funny. But deep inside I was never happy, people did not know that for years loneliness was my best friend. As the old saying goes, “with friends like these, who needs enemies”.
I was in a prayer group with whom I also went out occasionally for social gatherings. Some of them liked me, but most of them without my knowledge described me as “conceited”, another said that I always had to be right, argumentative, loud and feisty.
Little did people know that my loneliness was actually a fear of being alone and that I was filled with regrets for all the bad things that I had done in the past. Loneliness is not necessarily a condition experienced solely by “loners”, but can be experienced by anyone.
I started losing sleep and most of the time I didn’t sleep at all. My condition became worse when a lot of trials and heartbreaks happened in my life, the biggest blow was when my relationship with my only child became estranged and he ceased my privileges to be with my granddaughter. I was then diagnosed with bipolar and mild schizophrenia.
I isolated myself from the world and started taking a variety of medications. My work place started to notice the changes and eventually I needed to take some time off from work for my own good.
I started blaming God and set my mind up to believe that “God did not love me, he hated me”. Then I asked myself “What hope was there for me?”… I even thought about ending my life several times, but the realisation of not being able to see, kiss and hug my granddaughter ever again stopped me from doing this.
My husband never gave up on me, he decided to talk to one of the organisers of the Family Cenacle Group, a married couple Tess & Roland Halili and close friend of ours. He asked them to help me, help us and help my family.
They reintroduced me to the Unconditional love of God, this helped me heal and get back on track. I also met Bro. Joe who taught me how to practice the process of Divine Indwelling and participating in a Walkthrough group every Tuesdays and Saturdays.
Through this experience I can attest that I was being led by Christ Himself to a new life in Him. I came to know again, He Who Is The Creator of the Universe, and He Who Saves Through the Power of His Life, Death, and Resurrection.
The great news is.. I have not used sleeping tablets or medications for my illness for months now! I found rest, hope, peace, love, and joy that I have never experienced in my entire life.
Although, I still have a lot of growing and maturing to do. I believe that I am still growing in Christ; he continues to sanctify my life and leads me on the path of being made “conformable to Jesus Christ”… readying me for my heavenly home.